Löve is not easy!

Haihh… I noticed lately since his wife and baby came home, there’s lesser time for us already! Serious! That made me think twice whether wanna keep the relationship going on or back off? But… I look at him.. I feel sorry for him because he is mentally locked in that home. What else I can do apart from waiting for him patiently…?

Oh well. I don’t demand much. I just need someone chat more, accompany more, do more and many more to go but I think he is quite limited most of them. Sighs.

Honestly I am quite down because of him. First, he could ignored me all the time though that was not his wish, he only texted me at late night 😑 Second, he could not accompany me more already. Third, he is able not arrange the time for himself! It seems his activities all have to ask permissions from his wife 😑

So, I thought back about those guys I had been together previously. Everything was easier than me and him 😔

But it’s ok. In fact, I could actually choose Keskon over him because Keskon is one of guys now hardworking to concern me almost everyday non stop. But he is also my long life buddy. I knew him since college time. Considered old friends and he was the one who has been liking me since college time until now. A limited edition bachelor now. But… not my type though. I prefer we are being good friends just like now.

I chosen H over every guys because… I don’t know how to say. I fell in love with him on everything he did for me although there is not much he could do but at least a little will do. Similar case with Keskon, he has known me long time. Mutual friends and I only knew him recent years ago when he texted me back for first time a few years ago. Around in year 2015 with first Wechat message. Later to Whatsapp. So the story went on until now where we are. Just that the big changes is him only after having the baby 😑

I do appreciate everything I did with him. Indeed. Not easy I assumed. I knew he is also not easy to have me after many years. Just a luck for him that he managed to get me after many years and still locking me with him.

Oh well.. I admitted it is pretty torturing! 😔

I don’t know what next again and dare not to think further already! So scared. But I still try to give chances.

😑

I am late today!

Good morning 🐝

Woke up by 7am… OMG! My boy has been absent to school a few days already or should be 4 days since Monday! He was down with the fever on Saturday but continue until now. He should be fine by now but the mommy overslept! 😑

But it’s okay. Let him have more rest then. After all today is the last month of May! Tomorrow starts a new day with 1st June already.

Recalled about him crying in front of me. Don’t know what else wanna say about that. He so scared to lose me. Oh well. I also don’t wanna lose him neither but… the big issue now is he could not arrange the time to meet up more due to his baby! He is not easy coming out though! Adoiii… I wonder how will he able to come out in the future? And he assumed would sign up for gym etc but it seem didn’t work either 😒

Again, his wife could not be independent. She needs him all the time. This made me thinking back when I had both kids. Hmm.. I was not that kind of dependent. I allowed hubs doing everything and anything beyond my controls. And I did all by myself without requested or complained! 😏

Oh well. I don’t know about him. And I don’t wanna force him. If he could make the time then good. Otherwise, stays with his wife and baby. What else can I say? He had mentioned many things but none has fulfilled. Not that he never fulfilled, is difficult! Haihh.. oh Boy!

Happy Wesak Day!

Happy holiday though a day! I wish to resume working asap! Ishh…

😒

Good morning 🐝

Feel much better yet someone said I am not really ok to him but perhaps yes but I know myself better. Anyway, I only can say I miss him so much but I can not doing anything although he is always be there for me.

Oh well…

Make it simpler. Be happy and laugh alot 😑

Monday Blues anyway!

Try to recollect…

Finally I sit down after been busy with my things. Then when I think today is 27th May… I recall about last year with him. Hence, I went to read the archive from 27th May to 29th May last year. Indeed it was so sweet and now I just realized that I used to call him “Teapot”… Honestly I never forget he is “Teapot”, just that I seldom say it since I resumed back with him. Haihh… how times fly by real fast! A year passed by!

Those times were the sweetest moment with him though we were barely together. He kept telling me how much he missed me and 520 to me all the time. He kept looking at his phone by hope I could send any messages to him, already made him happy.

Bee, 520… this is what he always told me in the past and I hope now and in the future he is still the same as I saw him first time and now. I miss him so muchhh… There’s once I joked with him, if he dies, what’s the wish he wants to fulfil?

His answer was wanna to see Bee. That made me melted. Haiihh… so sweet huh? And he mentioned if we were together and he seldom accompany me then how… I didn’t know how to respond and telling him away that’s his choice. If he wants to choose this then just go ahead. He is willing to do, will see me once per week and still wanna to be with me always. It was last time. But now… the story is different already! I think meet once per week is too torturing since we resumed back being together until now. No matter how difficult, still wanna try everything to get together at least.

I think I have mentioned to him the quote… “Everyday I see I fall in love with him” 😊

And… he admitted that he has never been so serious with his first lover and now his wife.. He did everything just for me. Yes. It’s all for me only and he really crazy over me..

His feelings that time was really gonna to protect me, care me and of course love me dearly! I hope he is still the same now as that time. Haihh.. I am so upset when thinking back why I gonna ended with him that time. Perhaps that time I was not ready but he was damn loving me.. Haihh…

Oh well, when i read those archives, my heart indeed sooo sank.

I found this antiseptic cream at my drawer. Recalled that he used to send this cream to my workplace immediately when learned that my hand injured by iron. Tadaa… That becomes a history. I miss how he used to concern me so much!

Ishh…. I try to recollect those moments, I miss him and his everything he done for me! Oh No… 😒

By the way, I will still recollecting those moments with him and try to write down here. I wanna read again and again when I am bored or what.

Just a thought!

 

Hectic day

Today I really gonna to be busier even.

Went to change the gas since hubs has never changed it for one month plus 😑

Went to Tesco to shop the grocery things and of course dragged both of kids go along though they didn’t want follow. Have to force them come out with me otherwise they are keep getting themselves sick at home only.

Went to get my car service done since hubs refused to help me 😒 It has been expired since a few weeks until I discovered it a few days ago. Adoiii… can not imagine that I drove alot all those times… *touch wood*

And… I started to resume my cooking for my both kids as well as myself. I oso lazy take away the food because I assume it would be raining later. Very hard to walk under the rain.

Ishh… so…

So.. please bless me today for having everything’s going smooth sailing!

🌟

Good afternoon 🐝

I had a disaster last night right after back from dating with him. I saw everyone had a sleeping so I joined them to take a nap together until my tummy suddenly got pain.. ishh… Not sure if it was a gastric or too hungry. A moment when I woke up, my girl ran to me and informing me that her brother fever shot up at late evening 😔

Because yesterday he had the paracetamol and I had checked his fever subsided that time. Haihh… both of mommy and son were down with the illness at one time 😑 I drove them out to clinic at late hour and I checked which is the clinic opened 24 hours! Tadaa..

Everything was settled and my boy was still down with high fever. Sighs… I was tend waking up regularly to check his fever temperature has gone or not. Until I forgot at 6am to check him. Hence, I got to wake up but found my boy was beside me and hubs missed. He went to work at living room. I was relieved to see my boy sleeping beside me and continue sleeping until late morning earlier.

My boy keeps saying he is pain this and that. I told him to reduce the meals and more to exercise la. Reduce the weight to ideal one. Otherwise he would invites more unwanted illness later. He keeps crying. Adoiii… 😥

He keeps blaming his sister for infected him. In fact, his sister was having the fever earlier but she got better and now is his turn! Oh my boy.

Haihh… I am so tired mentally and physically actually but I try my best to settle the chores at home and keep myself SANE at the same time.

All the while, I don’t really think too much but everytime I am pondering something I will keep thinking that.

I pray no rain later! Very troublesome to go out under raining though it is kinda a romantic scene to me but not when I wanna shopping the grocery things or take away the food.

Oh well… what a Sunday!

Bee! Be stronger than yesterday! 😒

Well-spent Saturday

Ishh… I have missed the blogging 😑

I was watching this Power Rangers Megaforce not at first time but I did watch as well when it was aired at NTV7 just now.

I found that Power Rangers are rather awkwardly being enjoyed 😅 Perhaps not my favourite though and I just woke up from the nap.

Oh well. I still thought about earlier incident with him. Today I am off so I was able to spend time with him. Went to have the McD breakfast as well as the lunch and accompanying him to buy the baby things for him. He went out so long and I was wondering whether was he fine? But my expectation was true, taa… his wife called when we were about having the late lunch. I felt so miserable 😒

I still puzzled though why his wife is always calling? 😑 As I knew, what could I do is let the man has his own time after working, maybe can have his freedom to go the places he likes or gotta to have drink with friends. Not a big issue mah. As long as the man would comes home. That’s it but I don’t know about his wife. Seems like being in controlled and even a little also can not. Haihh… I advised him not to complain since both of them may be already got used this kind of life before or after I appeared in his life. Maybe. Just my thoughts.

Anyhow, I am still thinking like that in the future is even more difficult to see him around but I know he would be trying everything to get see me and asking me not worry too much. I assumed I put my trust on him but I don’t dare to think further about it.

Can meet up is good. I am still thinking about yesterday raining at my office playground. Kinda romantic under raining 😊 Today raining too.

In fact he was so sweet but sometimes I noticed he is troubled with his own life 😑 but is ok. I hope he knows what has he been doing as long as he knows where he is now.

I miss him soo much!

Good morning 🐝

Quite late to write now! Feel like wanna sleep but there’s a ton of assignments need to be completed before June. Hence, I hope can complete all of them before I could take off.

By the way, I wish he is stress- free right now due to battle to many unexpected issues that he does’t wish to… I will be staying by his side when he needs the most. Indeed, I am quite concern about him. But if he is really ok, then ok..

Everything seems plain today. My colleague sits in front of me has been coming to work late or absent without informing… and I notice her performance is really yucks! She is really lucky because the bosses are not around this week 😒 Otherwise, she would be sounded!

What a Thursday Blues!

16 years and still counting…

My anniversary today but we don’t celebrate it as I needed to send my girl to class. In fact, I have asked him 3 days ago about whats the day of today… yet he just kept quiet and smiled. I asked him these 3 days yet he never wished me. When I asked him this afternoon only he wished but not the wish I wanted 😑

He wished “happy everyday”… I was like err.. Didn’t know want to laugh or what.. but it’s ok.

I left my workplace early due to fasting month but I didn’t go home straightly instead of stop at one place and waiting for another half hour before going home.

I didn’t feel want to go home but still need go home anyway for sake of our children. When I reached home, he seemed like nothing happened… 😑

Oh well. I just ignored because I have been asking these few days already and didn’t want to ask already 😒

I went sending my girl to class like usually and back home. Again, nothing happened. When I wan collecting the laundry from the washing machine and going to hang… He came to kitchen to make his coffee and toast near the washing machine.

I went to tease him.

“Forget? Or don’t want to wish?”

He just smiled 😑

I told him straightly.. I have been his wife for 16 years and it is not easy! He just smiled! …. Ishhh…

Lazy to talk with him and I went to consume the medicine and sleeping. Left him alone at living room…

I am glad we made it today for 16 years but .. nothing could I ask for, I just hope he really gonna appreciates me! 😒

Ok next… I am still counting if I am still alive…